You work out of a Hotel?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
