im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
