why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I wish my penis had an off switch
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
