We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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