Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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