Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
