At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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