So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
