rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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