Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
