marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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