Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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