i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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