I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
