my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Quick, to the slutcave!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
