I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
