I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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