Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
