Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
