how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
