There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
