So drunk its hurt
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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