I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
