booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
