Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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