Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
