I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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