Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The air was thick with penises
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
