i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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