My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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