Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
