I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
