i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
