So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
