I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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