just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
where are you?
Hypothermia
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
