i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
