Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
