apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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