You're earring is so big in my mouth
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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