smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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