I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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