Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize