$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
