Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This baby is an asshole
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
