i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
