i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
