How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
