he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
