I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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