Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize