I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize