I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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