i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
