Where is the hickey?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
