Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
