he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
how drunk are you?
Several
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
