So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
