I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Randomize