i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
