the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
