I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
