we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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