Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
