LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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